Friday, September 11, 2009

A New Chance At Life

How I Live Now -Daisy and Piper
A Child Called It - David
Setting - The cousins house in England.


Daisy stood in the airport waiting for her cousin. They had never met before and Daisy had no clue who it was that she was looking for. All she was told was that he was a boy named David, who is a few years younger than her. Daisy was a teen with a big heart and was willing to except anything and anyone no matter who they are, what they look like, or where they have been. David on the other hand, wasn’t. He kept to himself because of his past. He was beaten by his mother throughout almost his whole life. It wasn’t that he was unfriendly; it was more so that he was afraid. Afraid to be himself, worried about what would happen to him. David was coming to live with Daisy and her other cousins because he needed a new start. “Excuse me, are you Daisy?” said an unfamiliar voice. Daisy turned. There stood a boy with a sadden face and what looked to be a body full of bruises and scars, and indication of his past.

“Yes I am, you must be David,” said Daisy. He nodded and looked down. “Well let’s get going back to the house. Piper is waiting to meet you!” As they got in the car, David never looked up and on the way to the house, he barely said two words.

As they arrived back to the house, Piper was there waiting, smiling her sweet smile with a large basket of muffins, a gift for the new guest. David got out of the car a looked around. He felt as if he was in the middle of nowhere. There were the tallest trees he had ever seen and bushes filled with flowers everywhere. In the midst of all the plant life, there was a house. It was a good size, not too big and not too small, and it looked welcoming. David suddenly perked up, realizing that he wasn’t with his mother anymore. No more beatings and eating out of the garbage. This was a new start. It was a chance for David to overcome everything that has happened to him in his past. “David! David! I’m Piper. I’m so happy to meet you!” screeched Piper. She embraced him in the biggest hug he had ever had. It felt great to David, it wasn’t someone feeling sorry for him, it was someone who actually was happy to see him.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Piper, right?” said David.

“Yes I’m Piper. I would love you to meet my brothers, but there not home. Took a trip. We’re not sure when they’ll be back, but they told us not to worry. And you don’t worry either David, you’re in wonderful hands with Daisy and myself.”

Piper and Daisy took David around the house and the property. David was in awe. There was so much space! They even had a shed hidden in the trees behind their house. “This place is really great. I’m really happy you guys allowed me to come here,” said David. “It’s exactly the new life I need.”

“Well there is a roof over our heads, we have food, and for the most part were healthy and safe,” responded Piper.

“And that’s all we could ask for,” said Daisy.

“If you don’t mind,” said David, “I would like to go in my room and rest for a while. I’ve had a long day.”

Of course!” said Daisy. “Let us know if there’s anything you need. We’ll be glad to help.”

“And most of all,” replied Piper, “welcome home.”

As David got to his room and lied down, that last sentence Piper had said stuck in his head. “Welcome home,” he said to himself. There was something nice about hearing that. It made him happy and he felt part of this family, a family he had never had before. He knew that this was his chance to get over his past, and he knew he would. There was nothing to stop him now. “Welcome home David,” he said to himself. “Welcome home.”

11 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. hey amanda. I agree with sabree that is a good part! And it is very descriptive. I love it!

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  3. After reading your story I was very impressed. I really like how you described both characters at the beginning. I'm glad that David got a nice home.
    I thought the dialoge was very authentic and didnt seem fake or too proper. It seemed to really express their personalities.
    My favorite parts of the story were when David and Daisy met for the first time in the airport, and when Piper said "welcome home" to David.
    There wasnt anything really problamatic with your essay. Just maybe check some of your grammer or word usage (were = we're) but it wasnt that noticable.

    Awesome story Amanda :)

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  4. hey girl...hmmmm i think your story was horrible! Just kidding your story was really well writen. You really kept the characters just like they were in the book. I liked how you you wrote about how David was feeling about the new life, it made it seem very real.I also liked how you described David and the house. The airport was a perfect way to start the story, also.
    The conversation between the characters definitly seemed real. Especially the part with Piper seemed real. That's exactly how she would act!
    My fav. part was at the end when the girls welcomed David home. It was a great way to end the story!
    I think that the only bad part about the story was that the places that people were talking wern't always in seperate paragraphs.Usually they were but sometimes they wern't. I guess you don't have to do that but it makes it easier to read. Otherwise, your story was really good!!! Awesome story girl!:)

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  5. I thought the story was well written. I felt like you put a lot of detail in your story. I also read the story A child Called It and I could imagine the same thing in your story and as in the real one. The story made me think about David.
    The conversation between the two characters did seem authentic. The details about David seemed real and natural.
    My favorite part of your story was your ending when David felt comfortable and happy. “Welcome home David,” he said to himself. “Welcome home.” I thought this was good because David was finally happy and away from his problems.
    One thing that I found distracting was that when someone was talking there wasn't a seperate paragraph.
    A piece of advise for you Amanda is that you should try to make it easier to read with paragraphs. I thought your story was great.

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  6. I thought your story was very good. The image that stands out to me is when David arrives at his new home. I can picture the house and the landscape because you described it very well. The ideas in my head are new beginnings and meeting new people, and that's what this story makes me think about. I think about how we feel when we meet new people, and what it's like to start over.
    The conversation between the two characters is authentic to me. A specific part is: “David! David! I’m Piper. I’m so happy to meet you!” screeched Piper. She embraced him in the biggest hug he had ever had. It felt great to David, it wasn’t someone feeling sorry for him, it was someone who actually was happy to see him.
    “It’s nice to meet you too, Piper, right?” said David. One thing that makes it seem authentic is that she describes how the character is feeling when they're talking, so you don't have to guess. Also, the dialogue is spread out and not bunched up.
    My favorite part is the beginning, when you're introducing the characters and the setting. "Daisy was a teen with a big heart and was willing to except anything and anyone no matter who they are, what they look like, or where they have been" The part that stands out to me was how well you described Daisy. I didn't read How I Live Now, but I feel like I know the character's personality really well by the way you described it. I also think you described David's personality really well, too.
    The only thing in the essay I found distracting was the dialogue. Most of the time you put a separate paragraph when a new person was speaking, but sometimes you didn't. Also, at the top when you put the setting you put "thw" instead of the. Other than that though, it was really good.
    I don't really have any advice to give you for any future writing assignments. The only thing I could say was just read it over, and make sure it all sounds good, but it seems like you do that already. Great job Manderz!

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  7. I think this ending is very good. I also read A Child Called It and I could see David with his head down and all the bruises he had.
    The conversations seem very realistic. It sounded like the original characters. I like how you didn't have David say much. It reinforced what you said about how he was afraid.
    "As David got to his room and lied down, that last sentence Piper had said stuck in his head. “Welcome home,” he said to himself. There was something nice about hearing that." That section was my favorite part of the entire story. I think that it was very well written. I also like how you made him feel like he had real family at the very end of the story.
    One thing I found a little distracting was how your dialoge were not seperate sentences.
    Instead of starting describing the characters, you should begin a different way. I like the way you start it now but since it was a new ending you would've already known about the characters.
    I really liked your story and think you combined the two stories very well.

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  8. I. I was very impressed after reading your story. I thought it was very well written, and it explained the two characters and setting very well. I remember when Piper and David met because it was my favorite part of the story. The story makes me think about when I read a child called it this summer, and it made me remember how bad Davids previous life was, and how this story would be a total change in his life for the better.

    II. I thought the dialogue between the two characters was very realistic. I read both of thiese books this summer, and I could imagine these characters saying these things to eachother. How you said David spoke with his head down and everything because of his previous life made the whole story seem very realistic.

    III. My favorite part of the story was when David and Piper met. “David! David! I’m Piper. I’m so happy to meet you!” screeched Piper. She embraced him in the biggest hug he had ever had. It felt great to David, it wasn’t someone feeling sorry for him, it was someone who actually was happy to see him." This was my favorite part because it made me happy :). I felt that this part of the story explained both of the character VERY well, and the emotions were really good.

    IV. I found that you spelled "the" "thw" in the beginning, but other than that your spelling and grammar were correct.

    V. I dont really have any advice for you other than define your paragraphs better. (I lovedddd the way you ended it by the way)
    GOOD JOB GIRLLYYY

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  9. Great Job Amanda! I loved it and i felt that your story was very well written and very visual and decribed!
    The conversation between the two characters did seem authentic and it seems real and natural. I think it seemed this way because the characters had cemistry and connected.
    "Well there is a roof over our heads, we have food, and for the most part were healthy and safe,” responded Piper.
    “And that’s all we could ask for,” said Daisy."those are my favorite lines. And you can tell David was probley really pleased to hear them say he was safe and could get food.

    One thing i found distracting was that some of the dialogue wasnt really set up right other wise i thought everything was really good and a great story.
    My advice is just the paragraph set up but as far as i no it's fine and i love itt!!

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  10. continueddd.

    IV. If you have someone proof read your essay, they can catch little things like this. Also, your dialogue could be a little confusing at parts, because you didn't always have it as a new paragraph.

    V. Next time you write your essay write it just like you wrote it like this, because this was FANTASTICCCCCCC :). You gave your characters really good personality, and your story was easy to understand, and enjoy.

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  11. I loveee yo story girlll!!haha
    I felt happy at the end of this story because David ended up in a pretty good situation. I can picture David and Daisy getting to the house and Piper running over to greet them. I know I've seen people do that before and i always think it's funny.
    There wasn't that much dialogue in this story but i thought that was good because Dave and Daisy were both kind of quiet characters.But I thought the dialogue was very authentic. It sounded very much like the characters and people in general.
    There was nothing to stop him now. “Welcome home David,” he said to himself. “Welcome home.” This was my favorite line in the story. I like it for a couple reason. One was because it shows how big of a change this is for Dovid and how much he needed this. It shows how one simple thing like saying "welcome home" lifts his spirits drastically. Seocnd was becasue it shows how there are somethings, like really having a home or having someone love us, we take for granted. We forget that there are some people out there who don't have those things.
    One thing that I found distracting and that maybe you could work on is that in the beginning you kind of changed tenses a couple times. Some things you said were present tense and others were past. Other than that I really loved this story and was very impressed with it.
    Great Job Amandaaa!!!! =]

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